I keep discovering these writers I should have already known about. My latest discovery of this type is Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything across Italy, India, and Indonesia, a wildly successful memoir that tells the story of a year-long series of travels the author went on immediately following a very painful divorce. Now that I know about Gilbert and her story of self-discovery, set in three countries and on two continents, I’ve put it on my 2010 reading list.
The video I’ve chosen to blog, though, is Gilbert discussing her most recent book, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage. And when I say “most recent,” I mean it. Her latest was released just a few days ago.
I was attracted to the video because it shows Gilbert saying something that many today need to hear. She makes an impassioned case that far too many Americans (whom she accuses, and rightfully so, as having impossibly unrealistic expectations of marriage) end up disappointed after tying the knot because they are in love with the idea of being in love. Marriage, on the other hand, is an “ancient institution” that thrives when the participants think pragmatically and are willing to work together toward “creating a future.”
Gilbert has many more interesting things to say about romantic love, companionship, and marriage, but I’ll let her speak for herself.
The advertisement you’ve just watched was produced to promote a competition called “Cougar Pride” which was sponsored by Air New Zealand and featured on the carrier’s Grabaseat site, a webpage which allows travelers to book discount airfares online. Though the contest ended a few days ago, details about it are still available on The Inspiration Room website, which describes the competition in the following way: “Grabaseat is looking for 60 of these exquisite creatures to join them at the sold out NZI Sevens in Wellington as their pride of cougar cheerleaders. Winning contestants will be given cougar costumes and the equipment to make enough noise to attract the attention of young males. And to make sure the pride doesn’t go hungry, 10 brave young men recruited by ZM will be thrown in as fresh meat to the winners in Wellington.”
As you’ve probably guessed, the “exquisite creatures” mentioned in the previous paragraph are “cougars.” If you’re not familiar with the latter term, it refers to “mature” women who are sexually attracted to younger men and pursue them just as cougars do when they go after prey.
Here’s the rub, though. The ad caused such an outrage in New Zealand, especially among rape victim advocacy groups, that Air New Zealand was forced to discontinue it before the contest deadline expired. From what I’ve been able to find out about the controversy, these groups argued that it was irresponsible for the company to air an ad that made light of sexually predatory behavior.
I certainly understand that those who have been victimized in this way might have an entirely different way of viewing it in light of their tragic experiences. With that said, here are my thoughts on the ad. Firstly, I think it is super funny and ingenious. The whole mock nature documentary approach really makes it. Secondly, I’m in favor of anything that challenges stereotypes and pokes fun at what are normally considered taboo subjects, like human sexuality. In my opinion, sex is already way too hush-hush. Let’s talk about it and show it and make jokes about it.
Last week I blogged about why women have sex. This week I’m going to write about whom they choose to have sex with.
I found this CNN video that asks the age-old question: Why do women find “bad boys” so attractive? As you’ll see when you watch it, the three youngish women who appear early in the video are asked about Don Draper, the character in Mad Men, a new American TV drama series. Draper is supposed to represent the archetypical “Bad Boy,” and the three drool all over themselves as they talk about him. They refer to him as “mysterious,” “confident” and “magnetic.” One says (I’m paraphrasing) that he is the type you know you should avoid but can’t.
So I did a little follow-up Googling and found tons and tons of articles that claim that women love such men and find them irresistible. What I didn’t find, though, are serious research pieces that attempted to quantify this phenomenon. For example, I didn’t find anything–it may be out there but I just didn’t see it–that talks about the percentage of women who find these sorts attractive. Is it all women? Some women? A majority? A few?
Even Dr. Gail Saltz, the psychiatrist who appears in the video, keeps talking about ”women” when she discusses this issue. By saying it this way, she gives the impression that this is a universal attraction, that ALL women feel this way about ”bad boys.”
OK, I’m not a psychiatrist (nor do I play one on TV) but my gut tells me that some women find these types of men attractive. Some don’t. Some prefer “good boys” in the same way some women prefer blonds to brunettes.
My instinct tells that there’s something very harmful about thinking of women in such broad-brush, simplistic ways because if there’s one thing I can be certain about, it’s that all women everywhere, are complex.
I hope that doesn’t make me sound like a typical male chauvinist.
